Why Do So Many Men Have No Real Friends?

Friendship is one of the cornerstones of emotional well-being, yet many men in Australia, and around the world, for that fact, are silently struggling with a deep sense of loneliness and isolation. 

Sure, they might have drinking buddies or coworkers they joke with, but many men lack the kind of close friendships that offer genuine emotional support.

So, why is this happening? And more importantly, how can we shift the tide?

Changing Face of Male Friendship

In childhood and early adolescence, many boys experience strong, emotionally rich friendships. But as they grow older, cultural expectations and internalised beliefs about masculinity begin to erode these bonds. The emphasis on independence, emotional restraint, and stoicism starts to replace connection, vulnerability, and intimacy.

By adulthood, many men find themselves with plenty of acquaintances but few (if any) real mates they can confide in.

Common cultural beliefs that get in the way:

• "Real men don’t talk about feelings"
• "You should sort it out yourself"
• "Needing support makes you weak"

These outdated attitudes fuel a cycle of silence and social distance, even among men who genuinely crave deeper friendships.

What Does Modern Research Tell Us About Men and Friendship

Even the statistics outline just how bad we men can be at friendships.

Research from Beyond Blue shows that 25% of Aussie men have no one outside of their immediate family they feel they can call or rely on.

Even for men who do have some friends, 97% agree that making time for mates is essential, yet 85% of Aussie males struggle to find enough time to catch up with mates.
In our teens and 20s, it's often a lot easier. School, university/technical and further education, work, and sporting teams keep us connected. Yet this quickly starts to drop off. The communal events dry up, many stop playing sports, and slowly but surely, 'real life' kicks in (full-time jobs, partners, kids, financial responsibilities, etc.).

All of those times where we would see mates, suddenly don't happen unless you make an effort and plan - something most guys suck at.

What Are Friendships For, Really?

Friendships provide more than good banter and someone to share a beer with. 

At their best, they give us:

• Emotional validation and support
• A space to be vulnerable without judgment
• A sense of belonging and shared identity
• Accountability and perspective when we’re struggling
• Joy, laughter, and the stress relief of shared experiences

Men who lack these types of connections often report feeling disconnected, disengaged, and mentally drained, even if they appear “fine” on the outside.

Why Do So Many Men Have No Real Friends?

Several interwoven factors contribute to this modern male friendship crisis:

1. Male Intimacy Problems

The ability to express closeness in male-to-male friendships often gets suppressed by fears of being seen as weak or too emotional. Many men simply haven’t been shown how to engage in friendships that go deeper than surface-level talk.

2. Work and Family Priorities

As men enter their 30s, 40s, and beyond, careers, relationships, and family life can consume their time. Male friendships often get deprioritised, and without regular connection, they fade.

3. Social Conditioning

Many men were taught from an early age to prize autonomy and problem-solving over sharing and connection. These traits can serve men well in the workplace but tend to backfire in emotional and social contexts.

4. Lack of Safe Spaces

Men often don’t feel safe being emotionally open - not just with other men, but even with themselves. There are a few environments where men can drop the act and be real.

5. Digital Disconnection

While social media and messaging platforms give the illusion of connection, they often lack the substance of meaningful interaction. A like, a meme, or a group chat rarely replaces the value of sitting down with a mate face to face.

How to Make Friends That Are Guys (As an Adult)

Making male friends as an adult can feel awkward, especially if it’s been years since your last “new” mate. But it’s possible and worth the effort. 

Try:

• Start with shared activities: Join a sports team, gym class, community project, or hobby group. Having something to do together helps ease the pressure.
• Reach out to old friends: Reconnecting with someone from the past can feel more natural than starting from scratch.
• Make the first move: Suggest catching up for a coffee, beer, or walk. Friendship requires initiative, and someone has to go first.
• Be vulnerable (a little): Sharing something real - even small - can open the door to a deeper connection.
• Be consistent: Real friendships aren’t built in one hangout. Make time to follow up, check in, and keep the bond growing.

The Cost of Isolation for Men with No Friends

The consequences of having no close friendships are more serious than many realise. Studies have linked social isolation and loneliness in men to:

• Increased risk of depression and anxiety
• Heightened stress levels
• Poorer sleep and immune function
• Increased risk of suicide and substance misuse
• Shorter life expectancy

Asking men to talk about their feelings isn’t about being “soft” - it’s a matter of health, resilience, and survival.

What Healthy Male Friendships Look Like

The best male friendships are built on trust, respect, fun, and emotional safety. They allow space for:

• Honest conversations (beyond footy scores and work)
• Mutual support during hard times
• Celebrating each other’s wins
• Challenging each other constructively
• Showing up when it counts

You don’t need 10 close mates. Even just 1 or 2 genuine male friends can have a massive impact on your well-being.

How Therapy Can Help with Male Friendships

Many men come to Blokes Psychology because they feel stuck in this exact place, longing for a deeper connection but unsure how to find it or what’s holding them back.

Therapy offers a safe, non-judgemental space to:

• Understand your friendship patterns (and how they formed)
• Unpack the impact of masculinity and vulnerability
• Learn communication skills that build deeper bonds
• Explore fears of rejection or awkwardness
• Rebuild confidence in social settings

You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. If you're ready to build stronger male friendships or understand why they’ve been so hard to come by, therapy can offer a starting point that makes a real difference.

You're Allowed to Want More & Address Male Intimacy Problems

Close male friendships aren’t just a “nice to have”; they’re essential for mental, emotional, and physical health. The idea that men shouldn’t need friends is outdated and harmful. Whether you’re craving deeper friendships or feeling like you’re the only one struggling, you’re not alone and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

Blokes Psychology is here to help. Book in-person sessions at our Melbourne clinics in Hawthorn, Cheltenham, and Scoresby, or access therapy Australia-wide via Telehealth.

‍

‍